I wandered up toward the commons in the pouring rain last night, having just turned in the paper that had been consuming my life essence (ok, so now that it is done I am allowed some exageration...) as I was saying, I wandered up to find the promised jam session. And I did. They were playing in the small room that houses the ping pong table (the accustics are good in there...) I paused for a moment, after I had passed through the door. The small group looked complete, Toque leaning on the table bleeding music from a 3/4 classical guitar, Dz intense and radiating life, seemingly unable to be still for more than a moment, a few other making up the circle. I felt the briefest flash of- not alienation, but something akin. But it was music and I needed the sustinence. We sang 'til just before cerfew, and I walked back to the dorm in the still pouring rain, musing over the eveing with Toque.
I am ambitious for music of my own. Someday I will hold my own place in that circle. But until then, me thinks I will not be with out that twinge of "withoutness" at such gathering...

Remote publishing!! Wireless internet!! No, I have not managed to make the leap into the 21th century. I am simply stealing time on a friend's computer while he is not looking...
So some good news: my paper is nearly finished. After five hours of making myself sit in one place, though surrounded by books and all the music I could want (well, for about 10 hours at least), I got to a point where I could say "yes it is as done as it is going to get without someone else going over it and shredding...uh, er...proofing it." Nah, it is not all that bad (I don't think) and it may even be some good. But I am immensely relieved and I can feel the stress level dropping as I type. There really is no feeling like accomplishment.

The owner of the stolen laptop with the remote internet connection (and sole possessor of all the books and music as well) has returned. I'll get him to proof my paper and perhaps wander around in the rain. The next two hours are all mine, to do with as I please. No paper worries, no homework to speak of...

I am going to wander off now...

"...but if sensation, then also imagination and appetite. For wherever there is sensation, there is also pain and pleasure, and wherever these are, there is necessarily also desire."
Not that I know what Aristotle is actually saying here, but it sounded good and so I thought that I'd share it with y'all. Which rather sums up the state of my philosophy term paper...
Not good...
Believe me, I had every intention of getting my usual three week head start and having it done last weekend and ready for proofing and revision. But somehow all of my time went the way of the prodigal son, without the heartening reassurance of repentance and return home at the end of the story. So now I am looking at a deadline 72 odd hours away (minus class, work, homework, sleeping and eating hours...wait, do I really need those last two? I wonder...).
Not good...
This evening was spent with the Sprit. I wanted to make a quick supper and start on my homework as soon as the occupant of my computer haunt had departed for the evening's activities. The Sprit has not been well (see account for details), so I was going to make her some supper as well. "If we start the movie now, it will be done in time for you to write when Katarina has left," quoth she. Looking at her, all bundled up and still cold, regaling me with stories of her doctor's appointment, and how good everyone has been to her today (note: I had not seen her all day, and she lives next door), how could I possibly say no? And we were going to be done by 7, 7:30 at the outside. So we sat and watched the Dark Crystal (a cult classic well worth seeing at least a dozen times) while I made food on the coffee table and tried to forget about the homework that was not yet done, and the paper that was not yet finished. It was almost made worth the time spent on it by the Sprit's comment at the end, just as the end credits music was beginning to swell, and the hero and his love are standing together..."And it's an even better movie than The Princess Bride because there is no kissing in it!" ...how can you top that one?

so here I sit venting, well over an hour past the time I wanted to be in this same seat, without having gotten anything scholastically significant done. However, I have fed the hungry, and visited the sick, and practiced (some) patience, so perhaps it was not all for a loss...and besides, I do have those 72 odd hours...

How I would love to have the time to go on about the absurdities this campus has witnessed this past week-end, the glories of the sunsets of the past several days, the beauty of the valley in the twilight of yestereve, the hilarity of walking (or perhaps "tripping" would more accurately describe the activity) down the hillside in the dim moonlight after having quaffed a bottle of rather good chardonnay in the most wonderful company in the entire world - but I am simply too hard pressed for time and must needs be off this very minute to attend to a very important something or other...

At the request of my lady, Queenie...

The sound of waves washes over
gentle and even as my breath
hazy light slowly growing
chasing shadows to darkling corners.

~blink~

Thoughts of the day memory of the night
counting hours between the now and time
when my love will take me away
to what or where is unknown, but...

~blink sigh~

A low grey over the hills hints of a chillness in the air
through the door, a breeze brushes my cheek
up the walk past a lamppost
buried in green, buds, and hidden sent.

~blink sigh blink~

Chapel doors of dull brown belie the glories within
new dimness beckons, welcomes silent prayer
small bell rings, eyes raised to the Cross
my daily fast is broken on the Bread of Life

(I do hope this fits the bill...)

Reflections on Ash Wednesday

My mind's eye
wanders across a snowy barren field
seeking the solid shadow we'd left behind.
A grave yard cold somber
lone on the plain with the pines standing guard.
Grey head stones, white piled snow,
they lie alone, so alone with their end.
All end here, with the stone, snow, and tree.
The dust of my frame recognizes its kin
mortality weighs with the silence of years.
Often I return here to this cold shade
Bearing the marks of my ancestral fate and doom
Alone this is my end, the dust and snow.
The Light calls beyond the cold and shade
freeing from the cling and grasp of the dust
A Cross in the road, born on my brow, engraved in my heart
whispers hope of an end beyond the grave.

"Remember man that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return"

I've seen W again. After five months of nary a word he appeared in the afternoon light. I wondered at it, the immidiate flush of pleasure at seeing his familiar form, then hearing his voice. Five months, longer if you want to count from our last conversation. Does it matter? I wonder...
I've been wondering much about the nature of friendship. We all ask about love, trying to figure out what it is, why it is. But somehow friendship is lost in the betwixt and between.

"Why are you still my friend?"

Twice now I've been asked, many times I have wondered. With some people I take it forgranted that there is enough common ground, a shared interest that allows for conversation and companionship. With others though, there is nothing and no matter how much I'd like there to be, unless something changes, there will be nothing.
The Sprit and I had a symposium of sorts on friendship last night, lasting long past the time I was supposed to start homework. Love, duty, trust, converstion, time, respect, interest, all of these go into a friendship, but is there something more, something that takes it beyond the sum of these parts? I want to know, perhaps so that I can mend friendships I've broken, or build on friendships that are (hopefully) becoming...

Randomness for the day...

To know how to say what others only know how to think is what makes men poets or sages; and to dare to say what others only dare to think makes men martyrs or reformers - or both.
-Elizabeth Charles, writer (1828-1896)

To my afternoon class

heavy eyes
clouded skies
sleep lingers, nibbles my toes
dances in the corners of my vision

peeled eyes
heavy sighs
sleep stuffed into my pocket
voices now making a bit of sense.

Jeremy Fisher...

Sleep is a great big fish
waiting to swallow me
as I sit fishing on the
pond of knowledge.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, philosopher(1844-1900)

The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life - the sick, the needy and the handicapped.
-Hubert Horatio Humphrey, US Vice President (1911-1978)

I fear me that our government has failed the first portion of this test, and will all too soon fail the latter portions as well.